podcast

“I Wanted to Be Mad at God… But I’m Still Choosing Him”

Sometimes, you don’t sit down with a plan.
You just need to talk.

This is one of those moments for me.

Right now, I’m going through a lot of discomfort. I don’t fully know what’s going to happen next in my life, and that feeling alone is heavy. It’s confusing. It’s frustrating. It hurts especially when I have two growing humans depending on me.

And if I’m being completely honest…
there’s a part of me that wants to be so mad at God.

When What You Prayed For Doesn’t Work Out

This situation I’m dealing with—it’s something I prayed so hard over. Something I really wanted to work. I put energy into it. I believed in it.

And it still didn’t go the way I thought it would.

That kind of disappointment hits deep. Especially when you feel like you did everything “right.”

It makes you question things.
It makes you feel hurt.
It makes you want to ask why?

The Temptation to Be Angry

I can feel it in me—the frustration, the irritation, the pain. It’s all there at once.

And in those moments, it’s easy to turn that anger toward God.

But at the same time, I don’t want to do that.

Not because I’m trying to be perfect—but because I know where that mindset can take me. I’ve been in places before where I let my emotions pull me away from who I’m trying to be, taking me longer to recover each time. I did more damage to myself than good.

And I don’t want to fall back into that.

Choosing Discipline Over Emotion

So right now, my focus is simple:

Keep my mind right.

Even when my heart hurts.
Even when my thoughts feel all over the place.
Even when I don’t understand what’s happening.

Even when I feel so numb.

I’m choosing to stay grounded.

I’m choosing not to let this moment pull me backward.

Because growth isn’t just about the good days—it’s about how you respond when things don’t go your way.

Nolan said it best, "I can't cry about no rain cause that's how you grow"

Remembering God’s Love in Hard Moments

One thing I keep reminding myself is this:

God’s love doesn’t change based on my situation.

Not when things are good.
Not when things fall apart.
Not when I feel lost.

It’s easy to forget that when you’re in pain. You can start thinking differently, start believing things that aren’t true.

But I’m learning to hold on to what I know—even when I don’t feel it.

Praising Through the Pain

Right now, I’m not in a perfect place.

But I still have my voice.
I can still speak.
I can still choose.

So even in this discomfort, I’m choosing to praise. I’m choosing to say thank you—even if my heart feels heavy.

Not because everything is okay,
but because I’m trusting that it will be.

A Reminder for You (and Me)

If you’re going through something right now—something confusing, painful, or unexpected—I want you to know:

It’s okay to feel what you feel.

But don’t let it pull you away from who you’re trying to become.

Keep going.
Stay grounded.
Give yourself grace.

And most importantly—keep choosing God, even when it’s hard.

Final Thoughts

This isn’t about having it all together.

It’s about showing up anyway.
It’s about trying.
It’s about not giving up in the middle of the discomfort.

And right now, that’s enough.

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I’d love to hear what you’re going through too.

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